Oh man

Oh man.. sure hope that kindness begets kindness.. I was tired after a whole day out and after dinner, I dragged myself to fetch my sister from Suntec.. Out of the goodness of my heart I must add.. :P So as I was making a right turn at a traffic light near my house, I mistakenly assumed that there was a right turn green arrow and I didn't slow down although the light was already amber.. I passed the 'Stop' line before I realised that there was no right turn green arrow and stunned, I stoped my car.. In the middle of the road for the oncoming traffic!!! Then just as the oncoming traffic started moving, I had no choice but to drive off.. Had to avoid some uncles on their motorbikes eager to go home and not expecting a young punk to pull such a stunt!!! I just hope that nothing goes wrong.. I guess I have to wait until the end of next month to know whether I am let off the hook.. No flash at the traffic light though.. A small comfort.. Check back here in a month's time to learn of my fate..

Parting is such sweet, sweet sorrow..

We just had our multiplication today.. As I intuited, I am still with Cynthia.. Well, every end is a new beginning and I believe that good things are along the way! There is reason to rejoice as this is the start of something exciting!!! But then again, this happiness is somewhat mixed with a lot of other feelings.. It just hit me that life would be different from now on.. Looking at the different groups, the people that I consider good friends are in the other group.. I feel a bit sad as I know that no matter what people say about keeping in touch, the maxim, 'Out of sight, out of mind' is the reality.. I feel regret, as time seemed insufficient to really befriend some people whom I felt that we could have grown closer.. But I know that no matter what, life moves on and I am grateful for this chance for all of us to grow.. So to anyone reading from W279(A) or W279(B), you guys are always regarded as special people to me.. Trust in Him, that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.. We will still see each other around so don't forget me as I won't forget you guys.. :) Keep on keeping on!!

New Year Resolutions

Well, I was out shopping with my mum on Friday and I realised something that perhaps other people have realised but not me until Friday; that I am hopelessly out of shape!!! Changing rooms mirrors don't lie.. :P In this last quarter of the year, I have slackened off in my working out.. And I snack too much!!! So I am going to put one of my New Year's resolution into play earlier.. Starting tomorrow, I am going to dedicate myself to living a healthy lifestyle, eating properly and exercising more.. So here's my plan:
-Fast food only once a fortnight or less
-potato chips and junk food once a week or less
-eating 5-6 small meals per day
-watching what I eat
-not falling asleep right after a meal
-sleeping early and waking up early at 7 a.m. everyday
-going for a jog in the morning or at night everyday
-clocking at least 15km per week
-resistance training thrice a week
-keeping a food log
At least this is the outline.. I will be going into the details when I have the time.. :) But starting tomorrow, this will be my plan for a healthy lifestyle and a healthy body!!! No more laziness and procrastination.. A healthier Jeremy in 2008!!!

Another pair of mouldy jeans?

Looks like the end of the year weather is forcing me to put my jeans into the washing machine.. Going to wash my PBJs today.. Maybe paranoid but it seems as though they are mouldy as well.. Small patches of what may be talcum powder but then again, talcum powder would coat the entire jeans and not just patches.. Argh!!! I dislike the rainy season.. Cold and clammy and unable to get a good airing for my jeans.. Well, I can't be bothered anymore.. Going to use regular detergent and Dettol.. Once again, mould away!!! Bleah..

Another one of those nights...

Well, it's only a few minutes after Christmas and I spent Christmas in the fashion that I like best; quietly.. Couldn't sleep so was just randomly surfing the Net when this wave of melancholy just swept over me.. I realised that it is indeed lonely in this world.. When the dance is over, when the dust has settled and when the lights are turned off, what we have left over from the music, laughter and the masks is just an echo, a pale imitation of what we experienced.. Nothing more, nothing less..
I just suddenly realised how important it is to have someone to be there in times like these.. And guess what? I don't think I have found that person yet.. Who would be willing to listen to me ramble on about intangible and vague feelings of loss, of melancholy? Perhaps only one person in this whole wide world.. And that person is not in my life as of yet.. So I trudge on..
There has always been talk about having a hole in the heart, in the soul and I did not believe in this kind of talk until recently.. There seems to be a certain emptiness in my life, sonething that I can't fully describe.. Perhaps it is the longing for a soul mate.. Perhaps it is the longing for someone I can truly call a friend, a confidant..
People come and go in our lives.. People who come and stay will change.. I change as well.. Distances are bridged and distances are formed when people drift apart.. Like the rise and ebb of the tide, different seasons call for different people in life..
I used to think that I can get along with the almost any kind of people, that I am open minded and not judgemental.. Recent reflections are proving otherwise.. Have I become cynical? Have I become judgemental? I guess in a way..
I truly hope that beneath the veneer of what people see on the outside, there will be some to take time to get to know me more.. And I also hope that when they take that effort, they would find something worthwhile in me and they would choose to take me into their inner circles, as I would to them.. I don't need too many of these people; but with these people, I like to think that nothing would be too difficult, no one would seem too intimidating and that when the storms of life blow hard, there is a safe harbour to hide in..

Change

Change is the only constant in the world. Cliched but true. I realised that change is indeed constant in our lives; that people and things would never remain the same. Especially people. People whom I used to call close friends in the past are no longer so. Perhaps it is the distance, perhaps it is the time apart or perhaps it is because we have changed. I cannot help but feel a twinge of regret at the changes in the relationships in my life. Chances are that I have changed as well and maybe that has contributed to the growing gap.. But the sad thing is that when two people are moving in different directions, the gap grows even faster.. Hahaha.. Saying all these makes me feel like I need someone in my life, who would walk in the same direction that I am going in; someone who would not change direction but always walk beside me in this journey of life.. The jig to my saw, the tick to my tock, the hic to my cup.. Hahaha..

Thankful

First things first.. Lest I get complacent and think that I am strong when I am not, I want to thank God for my school results. Although there is still one subject's grade yet to be released, my grades so far are very satisfactory. :) But it is not by my power nor by my might but by His Spirit. So thank you God! :)

Mouldy jeans!!!

I was turning my Eternals the right way around (I hung it inside out to air) and to my horrors of horrors, there was mould on the jeans!!! I don't know how long it has been there.. Guess it's due to the wet weather and the jeans being damp when I put it out to air and dry.. Oh man.. My baby is in the washing machine right now.. Using some supposedly gentle washing detergent and Dettol.. No fanciful detergents.. Going to get some natural detergents soon.. Hope that the wash turns out fine.. :) Mould away!!!

Matthew 7:1-5 "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

One thing I hate is when people who don't know you well start talking about you and making stupid remarks.. You know what? Even if you are the best looking person in the world, or the most talented or whatever, you don't have the right to diss on me.. And it is even worse when I can take you on and thrash you silly.. If I were not in self control, you would have known what is you ain't nothing but a poser.. Look, if you are my good friend and you say things about me, with no malice and not behind my back, I take it and I listen.. But if you want to play punk with me, talk about me behind my back and rope in all your friends, why not bring it on? I dare not lay claim to having the best character but at least I don't talk about people and mock them.. The Bible says take the plank out of your eye before trying to take the speck out of mine.. Whatever happened to respect, to proper conduct, to non-judgemental attitudes? Well, I am going to show the whole lot of you that you guys are nothing but young punks.. What you say and think will only spur me on.. Not going to take any crap anymore.. Okay, now I am sort of done with my venting and ranting.. What I hope is that God will deal with all these people.. Got to take a chill pill.. :P

Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; ..."
As I look back on my life, I would like to think that though there were many ups and downs, I have made it this far! It's been a journey; a discovery of strengths and weaknesses and of learning and of enjoyment, and not forgetting of hurts and pains.. Looking back, I have come a long way since my teenage years.. I have learnt, through hard knocks and falls and I know that I have so much more to learn.. Things have happened, people have come and gone.. And I would not exchange anything in this world for all the things that I have been through, good and bad.. I am a firm believer that we are who we are because of what we have been through.. What does not kill us makes us stronger, and a better person at that.. Well, in this new year of my life, I want to be closer to a very important person in my life, God.. I realised that it is not me who has brought me to where I am but it is Him.. I have this feeling all along that He has His eyes on me from the start and it is a special feeling.. And I know after so many years that come hell or high waters, He will be there.. I may have taken Him for granted so many, many times but I hope that this year will be different.. Many times I felt like giving up on Him but I know that He has never given up on me.. So, I dedicate this day to you, God.. Many many more years to come, walking by Your side! And my wish for my birthday? The next most important thing in my life is that my family is protected and blessed.. And happy.. :)

IPPT

Just came back from my IPPT... Not bad considering that I am fat and I am sick... Was expecting just to pass and I got Silver... Woohoo! Not too bad... Hahaha... But this has acted as a wake up call for me... I remember that when I was still in NS, I told myself that I would never let myself go out of shape.. And guess what? I can't help but admit that I AM OUT OF SHAPE!!! Going to start being more dedicated to working out once again... And I injured my knee as well... :( Overextended it slightly I guess... Pain!!! Well, it's such nice weather to sleep so I am going to take a bath and nap a while... :P Must rush my research paper tonight as well... Busy busy bee... Hehehee...

A ray of light

I noticed a ray of light recently,
that appeared in places I least expect.
Always catching me by surprise
But there's nothing wrong with that.
When I try to search and seek
It appears to be far, far away, unable to attain
And just as I stop yearning
It comes out of the blue and I start over again
My heart beats in disarray
yet it brings a smile to my face,
However when I look in the mirror
I start to feel so out of place
Melancholy takes over
For something so beautiful can't possibly belong to me
For who can bottle a ray of light?
To keep for his eyes only to see
Am I destined to remain in the background?
For it does not know that I yearn
Even if for a fleeting second
For its glow that warms but does not burn
Can I do anything to ease the pain?
When in my own eyes I feel so small
A mountain to surmount, an ocean to cross
I feel like next to all these I am nothing at all
But still quietly I long for and patiently I wait
For a glimpse of perfection, for a touch of fate

Melancholy...

Don't worry... I am not feeling depressed... Just deep in thought... :) Want to write something to expend my feelings but no inspiration right now... Hahaha... Wait for it... Well, to phileo who maybe reading... So many decisions!!! Hahaha... Want to get something special... :P Oh well, got to sleep early... Or at least try... Got IPPT tomorrow... :)

New post!!!

Wow wee!!! After like a gazillion years (actually around 3 months), I finally find time to post something on my super duper inactive blog... Hahaha... Well, it's Deepavali and I have a bit of time on my hands before I start studying so here I am... Time really flies... It's the end of the year once again and I am close to the end of my first year back at school... Technically it's only 2 semesters but who's counting? Hahaha.. Going for my IPPT this Saturday and I don't think I can get a gold for it... But who knows? Just going to try my best... Passing shouldn't be a problem though... Oh well, things are going well in school... To Cynthia who may be reading, I may be getting slightly distracted.. :P Hahaha... Secret code... Alrite, that's all I guess... Til another 3 months later... Hahaha...

Expiry dates

All things have an expiry date. Whenever you buy something, be it to eat or to use, it will always have markings that say 'Best before xx/xx/xxxx' or 'Once opened, please consume by xx/xx/xxxx' The thing is, nothing in life is permanent. There is a Chinese saying, 'Smoke and cloud passing before one's eyes.' I feel that this is what make life so bittersweet; change.

Without change, we would not know the better things in store for us. Without change, we would not grow to who we are meant to be. Without change, life would be stale and boring. Without change, Man would still be stuck hunting and gathering and bonking their women on their heads.

With change, comes a fresh start. With change comes new beginnings. With change comes better things. But with change also comes uncertainty.

I find myself dreading change. Looking back, so many things have changed. But there is a longing within me, for the good old days; days without worries, days without troubles, days without concerns.

Change brings about heartache as well. People said that I do not open up much, that I am like a closed book. Perhaps this is true. I was thinking and I realised that I had no problem in the past opening up to people. That's why although I have not much contact with the friends that I share with right now, I still consider those times as times where I could share anything and everything.

Thinking...

Was just thinking about the costs of driving Honeybee around so much... Feeling the pinch... Going to stop driving for a while... To save up a bit of money... Have to be a thrifty person and wise with my finances... God, I really need a breakthrough in my finances!!! You are Jehovah Jireh, our Provider and You are El Shaddai, our God of more than enough... Come through for me I pray... Increase my 'income' and decrease my expenditure!!! I don't know how and when but I believe that it will come!!! Amen!!!

Not one size fits all...

Life is not one size fits all.
At times some may soar and others fall.
No one can dictate the path you take.
Just be true to yourself; there's no need to fake.
Look at your hands and what do you find?
Use it to turn clear water into wine.
Gaze at the clouds and what do you see?
Some find a flower and some find a tree.
The path you take is long and winding.
But it is unique; you define it.
No one is born equal so what are you going to do?
Make the best of life or go crying boo hoo hoo?
It's all in your control so grab life by its horns.
You can make life a rose or many prickly thorns.

Homecoming

At long last... After a long long wait of 3 days, Honeybee is back!!! Missed her so much... Hahaha... Cant believe that I was actually smiling away when I picked her up... And she's all nice and shiny now... Had a thorough bath and internal cleansing... :) And her injuries have all recovered... Gotta be careful with her from now on... Hahaha... Welcome back Honeybee!!!

Addicted...

Whew... Just came back from a short jog... Did perhaps 3-4 km? No idea... Cooling down and drying up right now... This is my first jog in a gazillion years!!! Been turned off from running during army times when I had to train for the Army Half Marathon... But now I am back... As I was jogging along just now at my snail's pace (that's because I have not ran in ages!!!), I suddenly found myself jogging with a smile on my face... Nah... I was not possessed although the Hungry Ghost Festival just started... :P I suddenly realised that why I liked to jog in the first place; the peace at night, the endorphin rush, the air rushing past your ears, the sense of solitude I get, the clearness of the mind, yada yada etc etc... The list goes on... But I feel my passion for a healthy lifestyle coming back... that's good... :) my whole body is aching from yesterday's workout as well... that's good too!!! :P
I went to peninsular to get some tee shirts... Alstyle Apparel and Activewear, more affectionately known as AAA... That's some good and cheap stuff man... Addicted!!! All in all, in perhaps a month, I've gotten 7 tees from the store... I didn't realise that I have been checking out the store regularly... Come to think of it, almost every Wednesday when I have bible study, I will stop by peninsular first to check out the tees... Madness... But I have sworn to stop this obsession from today... Got enough AAA tees to last me... Why did I have this thought? I stepped into the store today thinking that I was anonymous but to my surprise, the lady glanced at me lazily from her television set and said, "How many and what colour?" I was stunned!!! I replied sheepishly, "I came in so many times huh?" The lady just laughed and nodded... :P This has gone to far in my books... Hahaha... Well, to those who think that I have to wear expensive stuff all the time (you know who you are), I don't... I can get addicted to inexpensive stuff like AAA as well... Hahaha... and for your information, AAA tees are PLAIN tees... No graphics, no branding whatsoever... I remember Will going with me to the store and when I got the tees and was so happy, he turned to me and said, "You do realised that these are PLAIN tees right?" :P What can I say? I am a simple guy.... But I like AAA... Good simple stuff... No frills, not flashy... Awesome...
Well, on the topic of clothes, another obsession of mine has recently resurfaced!!! Denim!!! Oh man... Now I am thinking of looking for people who hit up Japan regularly and who are kind enough to do the legwork for me to get some jeans... Can't justify to myself the costs of shipping them in... Have to get at the cheapest possible price... :P Anyone willing to do me a favour? Hahaha... Cheers...

Another post

Just suddenly occured to me to write about something to motivate myself... :P Wow... This is unprecedented... 2 entries in one day!!! hahaha... Just thought that sometimes a rest from routine does wonders... took a 'break' from exercising due to exams and all that... well, actually my exams only took one week and I rested for 3 weeks but that is beside the point... :P the point is that now that I have some time on my hands, I feel motivated to exercise... Partly also because I am getting too fat for my own good... :P So, words of wisdom from the self proclaimed guru, "Take a step back and smell the roses; resting is for the sake of walking a further distance." Don't feel guilty about resting!!! Even God rested after Creation... :) Cheers!!!

After a long time..

Finally, after a super duper long hiatus, I finally found the strength to lift my fingers and start a small entry in my almost dead blog... :) Well, having my holidays now, a measly 2 weeks (rounded off)... Well, going to catch up on some soul time ad relax... Juzt sent my Honeybee for her 'checkup' and 'makeover' today... All the way to Toa Payoh... Take care Honeybee!!!! Will take 2-3 days... So long! I bet that they have already finished with her though... Well, still bearing the 'war scars' from paintball on Fri... Paintball is super fun!!! Awesome!!! I would be an addict if it weren't so expensive... :P Anyway, will be heading to town tomorrow (hopefully not alone) to check out some books and buy more plain tees!!! my new vice... AAA tees... oh man... Good thing they are not too pricey... Hahaha... Cheers!!!

Heartache...

Heartache.. :'( more information to come... I will never ever be harried into doing things again!!! I will develop a thick skin and don't care about people with lousy attitudes!!! :) Buck up!!!

Happy day...

Happy day today... :) More information coming soon... Well it would have been much more happier if the weekend did not seem so intimidating and overwhelming... Have to rush a number of things this weekend... There's 2 music reviews and 5 more comms journal entries... God help me!!! Well, still a happy day... :)

Friday the 13th...

Friday the 13th... What went wrong for you today? Well, almost everything went wrong for me today... To start from the top, right from the word 'Go', my day today stunk... I woke up early to head off to school to study for the Econs quiz today... And guess what? The pipe beneath my sink burst!!! The whole kitchen was flooded and the water even reached the hall! I had no way to turn the mains off as the key went MIA... I stayed around at home until my dad rushed back from his workplace... Finally managed to turn off the gushing water... HDB dwellers out there, for your information, there is a stop valve underneath the sink... Just so you know... Wasted my time... Had a foreboding feeling about the whole day... I made my way to school to meet fluddy... She called and did not believe that my pipe burst and that I was still at home... Hahaha... Anyway, I met her in school to study for the Econs quiz and found out from her that it was Friday the 13th!!! That explains everything.. The day went by quite smoothly though... Until Econs... I did the worse I have even done since I started school for a quiz... :( Not thinking clearly.. Argh!!! Really angry with myself... Friday the 13th stinks!!! Hahaha... Notice that bad results are the fault of Friday the 13th and not because of my own carelessness... :P Well, have another chance to make up for this lousy score at the next quiz... Crossing my fingers for good grades!!! :) Onward, Jeremy!!! Buck up!!!

Enduring love...

So touched today... Went for my grandmother's 3rd year death anniversary and something etched itself into my heart... Met my paternal extended family at Changi Village there to take a ferry to the spot where we casted grandma's ashes into the sea... Have been doing this for the past couple of years and don't really have much insight and feelings other than missing my grandma and the regular stuff... But I realised that my granddad, who is more than 80 years old and has a slight difficulty moving around, still makes the effort to go all the way down to Changi to pay his respects... Takin the bus and the MRT all the way... I was suddenly struck by his enduring love for my grandma... I realised that I have not been spending much time with him and feel regretful... But once I drive, I must make it up to him... Well, anyway... I thought back and realised that through it all, when my grandmother was sick and bedridden, he took care of her and never once did I see him complain about it or do anything grudgingly... In sickeness and in health... That's what it is all about... My granddad's a great person!!! Mid year resolution- must spend more time with my granddad... :) That is called love... Not the kind where people get together and break apart over the smallest slight, loss of feelings and all that nonsense... Imagine how he felt when his loved one is lying there dying slowly day by day and he can't do anything... But still he stayed faithful... And believe you me, it is not easy to take care of my grandma... Not that she was purposely being dificult but caregivers don't have it easy.. Of coursed he had help from my family... But I consider him the primary caregiver because he spends the most time with her... Oh well, before I slip into a melancholic mood, I just want to say publicly that I love my family!!! My mum, my dad, my sis and my extended family... :) P.S. My sis is so funny... She got the same phone as me and she knows that I may get upset so she is hiding it from me!!! Hahaha... But my mum told me and I am not the least bit angry... :P So cartoon she.. Still want to buy casing for the phone... How long does she think she can keep it from me? :P

Does everything seem the same?
Are the motions real or has it become a game?
The mirror shows that everything is in place,
But does it show the turmoil beneath the face?
A cry from the depths, does anyone hear?
Its silent nature, past thresholds of the ear.
But everyone is caught up, no one can fathom.
The enveloping emptiness, the yawning chasm.
A swirling vortex sucks deeper than deep.
How much longer can one's strength keep?
Feelings and thoughts can hurt you the most.
Leave rubble behind and hundreds of ghosts.
Everything inside had turned into stone.
A field where nothing can be sown and grown.
Take none of the glory, take all of the blame,
Nothing is different, only the name.

I'm walking in circles,
Treading in the mud.
Here I am once again,
Stuck in the same old rut.
This place is all too familiar,
I've been here too many times before.
Now my resolve is battered and bruised,
And my spirit is all too sore.
My spring of my step has failed,
My hands have no strength left.
My soul is heavy and weary,
My heart yearns for a rest.
One moment at top of the world,
The apogee, the utmost peak.
The tide turned in a blink of an eye,
I end up in the valley deep.
Will water wash me clean?
Will the furnance refine?
Or will the heavens close upon me?
And the mountains start to deign?
Is there anything I can do?
Anything that I can say?
To break out of this vicious cycle,
To see the dawn of a new day?
Can things begin to change?
Can I make it through it all?
Can I have a second chance?
To avoid the drop, to avoid the fall?

Just a regular day...

Got back my ESL mid term results... :) Want to thank God for good results... Got 94% on the mid term; something that I was not really expecting.. I felt that I wrote slightly off topic but hey, I am not complaining... :P So far, my mid terms have been alright... Music and English doing fine... Still awaiting the dreaded Comms mid term results though... Seriously don't know how I will do; or how the whole cohort do... At least Econs will be MCQs... But I will not underestimate MCQs set by Baban Hasnat... Tricky and requires thinking... Just praying that I will do well... :) Anyway, today's Econs was one of the more enjoyable lessons... Mainly because we all realised that some people are so bored that they Googled Baban Hasnat and found his website!!! Hahaha... And that some people like his accent and his beard!!! Oh man... The things people write when they are anonymous... Hahaha... Oh yeah... And I got a new hoodie!!! Nice if I should say so myself... And fluddy said it's not bad too... Hahaha... Now we are Puma buddies as well... :P

Step into my world,
Feel free to take a peek.
What you find may surprise you,
What is it that you seek?
Could it be a desert,
Or just a single tree?
You may find a prison,
Or a land solely for the free.
You may leave with sadness,
Or you may depart with glee.
I hope that I can be presumptous,
With the words that I am going to say
There will never be a dull moment,
It will definitely be an interesting stay.
Now, poke your head around the corner,
There's no need to be shy.
Past all of the exterior,
I still laugh, I still cry.
I lay my head down,
And I start to dream.
Of mountains and of hills,
Of oceans and of streams.
So would you stay a moment,
If for nothing but to give me face.
It costs you nada to linger,
Only the time that you gave.

It only takes a spark...

It only takes a spark, to ignite a roaring fire.
It only takes a few words, to wake one from his stupor.
It only takes a second, to deem the situation dire.
It only takes a look, to remember what is worth fighting for.
It only takes some tears, to melt a hardened heart.
It only takes a touch, things will never be the same.
It only takes a minute, to tear things far apart.
It only takes a lifetime, to set things right again.

Divine intervention...

Wow... Just had my driving test in the morning... Here's a blow-by-blow analysis of what transpired on this fateful morning... This is my 2nd attempt to try to pass the dreaded TP... Woke up this morning drowsy... Not a good sign... Prayed a little for the driving test and selected clothes... Hahaha... Clothes do matter in projecting a right image to the tester!!! I chose a navy blue polo Tee and instead of mussing up my hair, I did it in a neat sort of way... Well, neater than usual... Hahaha... Don't want to look like a crazy person who will ram the cars in front of me to the tester!!! :P Anyway, went to Bukit Gombak MRT station to take the shuttle bus... Talked to a lady who came back from overseas and she said that she took her TP 4 TIMES!!! She said she spent around $7000+++ in all... Woah!!! But she look like she can afford it lah... Hahaha... Bad omens everywhere!!! Reached BBDC and registered... Saw Jeanie there... Rather, she saw me... Was there for her driving lesson... She's going to take her TP tomorrow... All the best Jeanie!!! :) But I digress... It's all about me on my own blog, baby!!! So I went to my test car and started the warm up... Mounted the curb while doing the crank course... First time in my driving 'career'!!! Seriously, it's like Murphy's Law Day for me... :P The instructor wasn't even the least bit helpful... No matter... Sat beside thees 2 people who were chit chatting and caught snippets of their conversation.. The lady said that her friend took her TP yesterday, drove badly and still managed to pass... A glimmer of hope!!! Went into the briefing room and realised that most of the people were retaking... Drew lots and I was the second person called out.. Got the tester called Seek and route 5... Have no idea whether he is good or not.. Soon to find out.. I thought that I drew Chang, the friendly instructor who gave the briefing but maybe he is not so good after all.. Who knows? The tester did not smile when I greeted him... Uh oh... Went to the car and started the test... First section of the circuit was the slope, one of my weaker parts... Everything went smoothly and I was on a run!!! Next up was another of my weaker segments, vertical parking... Did everything smoothly; one of the nicest vertical parking I have ever done!!! Felt quite confident... And as I was moving out, disaster struck!!! I MOUNTED the curb!!! Never has that happened to me!!! For those who do not know, it means an immediate failure!!! My heart sank to my feet and even tried to burrow its way out... I almost cried out!!! The tester looked at me and made the understatement of the century, "Mount curb ar..." Oh man... He did not even look at his checklist anymore... I was so disheartened... But in my heart, I still held a hope, that God will come through for me... So I told myself to do my best for the rest of the test... Almost mounted the curb again for the crank course but managed to salvage the situation thanks to some deft maneuvering. :P As I thought that I have already failed, I treated it as a practice and suddenly I was more relaxed.. I drove, made some mistakes but didn't think too much of them... Suddenly, towards the end of the test, the tester started writing in the checklist!!! I was stunned as I saw him writing something on the 'Parking' section... My heart dropped again but still I forced myself to trust God... :) The tester then started to teach me certain techniques and I thought to myself, 'This is the end.' I just went along with him and did what he told me... It seemed impossible at that time that I would pass... Still I prayed... The tester coached me all the way back to BBDC and I parked the car.. As I got out, he continued to talk to me all the way up to the briefing room.. When we sat down, he told me my mistakes and gave me a few pointers.. Actually he was quite friendly.. My hope was revived that something miraculous was going to happen... :) Finally, after him talking and I agreeing with everything he said (:P), he said, " I don't want to hold you back. I am going to give you 10 points for vertical parking(which was supposed to 'award' me my immediate failure) and let you pass." In total, he gave me 18 points, the minimum passing grade!!! I could not believe my ears!!! I could not help myself from smiling!!! Hahaha... Awesome!! It's a miracle!!! Unprecedented that I can pass after mounting the curb!!! It's God's favour I tell you!!! Went for the video and did all the necessary procedures... Went for lunch with Jeanie who had another practice in the afternoon... Missed Econs though... But who cares when I passed!!! I am going for make up tomorrow!!! Almost wanted to request to stop the test when I mounted the curb so that I can go for lessons... But thank God I didn't and I went through the whole thing!!! :) Still can't believe it... God is good!!! My music module mid term exam is coming up tomorrow so I have to sign out here... But I just couldn't let this opportunity to thank God go by... :) Vroom Vroom Vroom!!! Hahaha... Oh yeah... Want to apologise to all those whom I psyched out... Hahaha... I was so good at acting as if I failed that most people believed me, including Jeanie who was face to face with me... Hahaha... Only one person did not fully believe; not my mum but Cynthia!!! Hahaha... Congrats!!! :P Oh ye of large large faith!!! :P Although you still posted on my tagboard to comfort me... :P

Driving test!!!

Oh oh oh!!! Driving test tomorrow!!! So nervous!!! Hope that can pass... :) Praying hard!!!

How can I raise my hands?
When they are steeped in blood?
How can I sing a song?
When my lips are sealed shut?
Although there is no strength in my legs,
Why do I still run away?
How far do I need to be?
Before I will turn back?
The ends of the earth are not far enough.
The heavenlies are not high enough.
The depths of the abyss not deep enough.
I have done wrong,
will my heart still beat strong?
I can't stop the tears,
that are a result of my fears.
How can I come back?
How can I come back?

Weirdness...

Funny how things seem to fall into place like pieces of a jig saw puzzle... Bumped into a certain someone the day before, on Tue... At the most unexpected place... Totally caught off guard... Was quite affected by it... Talked to fluddy and felt better... Hehee... Thanks fluddy... Anyway, after bumping into her, had a dream about us that very night... A weird dream... And the thing is usually these kind of dreams affect me quite a bit; a strong sense of longing and melancholy will hover around me the whole day, maybe two.. But this time, I felt perfectly alright.. No melancholy... Nothing... Maybe it was because there was the Comms mid term on Wed... And speaking of which, I felt I messed it up big time... Totally forgot all the material and tried to smoke my way through... Hopefully the smoke screen I tried to form worked... Well, will know soon... Anyway, when I reached home yesterday, (please remember that I am bloggin all these stuff at 1 am on Thu, so the phrasing and timing seems a bit weird) she MSN-ed me... Out of the blue... After so long... And she said a few things that I was surprised with... Like wanting me to hang out with her friends... Well, I feel that she had no ill intent and that she is really proud of her new clique... :) Anyway, I realised that I have moved on... I have really moved on... It still aches to see her but it does not hurt.. I guess that wounds don't totally heal but we learn to deal with it... Thank God that I can move on... It seemed impossible at that time but look at me now... I feel that it is in God's timing too!!! Weirdness... Hahaha... It would not have happened without some kairos timing of some sort... :) On a side note, I wore my Eternals yesterday and my hips hurt!!! But I am in love with the jeans... Awesome... :) Going to wear them in!!! Stay tuned...

Finally

Just a quick post before I go back to studying... Or at least attempt to... Been trying to absorb the information into my thick skull in preparation for the comms mid term but nothing seems to be getting in... Keep procrastinating also... Oh man... This is part of the procrastination process... Hahaha... Really don't know what to expect for the exam later on... Well, just do my best and God will do the rest!!! :) Finally, after thinking about it for very long, I took pictures of my new jeans for a keepsake and snipped off the tags!!! Going to wear it later on to school.. So excited!!! This will be start of my Eternal journey; it's going to be my second skin for the next... 50 years of my life!!! Ha! But that said, these are just jeans... So I am going to wear them like normal.. But they are really nice though... Solid construction, thick material... Hahaha... See... I am still procrastinating... :P Alright... I am forcing myself to study... Later...

Soaking

Oh man... I can't wear my dream jeans anytime soon... For one, I don't know whether to give them a soak and if I want to, how to go about doing it... FYI, my dreams jeans are raw, meaning no distressing, so it means there is a possiblity of them shrinking after the first wash... Quite certain that the jeans are one wash, meaning most of the shrinkage is out of the way... But I can't stand thinking that after I wear them, there will still be shrinkage!!! Oh man... Must hold out... Hahaha... Also must lose a bit of weight before I stretch out these babies... :P Well, will post pics of them soon... I hope... And of course, wear them... :P

Back

I don't want to run away anymore... I want to feel, I want to breathe in life, I want to live for a purpose, a reason... I don't want to feel inadequate, I don't want to feel tired, I don't want to wander in the wilderness anymore... Restore the years the locusts have eaten away... Restore the joy that I used to have, the simple heart... Back, back, bring it all back... No more beating at the air... Bring back valour to my heart, strength in my arms and a spring to my step... Bring me back...

Yipee!!!

Awesome!!! Emerge was awesome!!! So touched!!! God's presence is so real!!! :) Feel so recharged and refreshed!!! And on a side note... I love my family!!! Finally they are back!!! My home is a home again!!! :) I have my heart's desires fulfilled today!!! Finally, the 2 pairs of dream jeans I longed so hard for is mine!!! Was talking to my mum and realised that my uncle went the extra mile... Make that extra 50 miles to get the jeans for me!!! So touched!!! My mum was telling me how he travelled alone and from 2pm and reached the hotel at 10pm!!! My heart is broken... :') Going to do something nice for him... Anyway, the jeans are so nice~~~ Eternal 811 and PBJ xx_005 BK.. Totally outstanding in terms of fit, construction and material.. Can't wait to start wearing them... :) The PBJs are so slubby!!! And the Eternals are so dark and crisp!!! Both the fits are great!!! Oh man... Going to take pictures and post them up!!! Wowee!!!

Interesting day.

Had an interesting day at school today. Econs was the usual informative and interesting lesson with Dr. Baban Hasnat... :) But surprisingly, the comms lecture went by quite fast. Maybe it is because it is an interesting chapter, on interpersonal communication between a 'couple' couple... :) Loads of laughs, courtesy from our course mates... (One step in wooing a girl is to take a Neoprint???) But I realised something in class today... Time for a deep insight from the mind of Jeremy!!! *Da da dum* When we try to break everything down into scientific insights, the world loses its magic... When we try to describe the beauty of the sky, the mountains and the seas with science, try to quantify and qualify it, it suddenly seem that magic is magic no longer... Can we retain our wide-eyed wonder and our innocence when viewing this world? Are we too jaded, too cynical? The world is supposed to be filled with magic; every breathe we take, every step we walk, every colour, everything!!! Okay okay, enough ranting... Had a good time in lecture today, partly because English cow and I were playing our version of "Guess that song!" Hahaha... Silly stuff... The only drawback is that I missed most of what the teacher was teaching... And the mid term is on Wed!!! Hahaha... Had my prayers answered too!!! My practice sessions for my driving has been changed to the dates I wanted!!! Awesome!!! Must pass this time round!!! Busy days ahead so until later...

Writer's block!!!

Argh!!! Writer's block!!! I am supposed to write an essay by Fri and I can't seem to get started!!! I don't know where my essay is supposed to be heading and the double spacing thingy is not helping one bit... I can't even determine my topic!!! HELP!!! Hahaha... Oh man... I seriously don't know how am I going to finish up my essay... And I am going to have another marathon session of comms lessons tomorrow!!! Oh man... Now I am panicking!!! Well, back to hitting my head against the wall aka atempting to write my essay...

Busy busy bee!!!

Wow!!! Really didn't imagine that school will be so busy!!! I still have many things I have not even started on yet... And with all the deadlines looming... Oh no... Somebody call 995!!! Going to faint!!! Or maybe my head will explode first... Or maybe I will faint and then my head will explode!!! Hahaha... I think that will be the case... When will this madness end??? Must really pace myself and do consistent work... Starting tomorrow!!! Because tonight, I have to study for the Econs quiz tomorrow... Don't know how the standard will be like... Hopefully the MCQs will not be so tough!!! Praying for it!! Hahaha... Well, got to go.. Later...

Good day out!!!

Wow!! Just reached home not too long ago... Stuffed my face full of food just now!!! Until bursting point!! Hahaha... Really want to thank the person who made this happen... You know who you are!!! :) And had a good time of fellowship just now... Enjoyed myself... Talked about so many things!! And not just idle chatter... Good thought provoking stuff... :) Saw two cute little boys at the adjacent table too... Were running all over the place... And they are so shy... One was right beside me and I asked him for his name and he did something so cute!!! He covered his face in shyness!!! Hahaha... Am I so repulsive? :P Hope not... Oh yeah, something interesting happened today... A native Chinese tourist came up to us today and asked for help about how to go to Sentosa... Sometimes, we are so familar with something that we take it for granted... Suddenly it was so difficult to explain how he should go to Sentosa via MRT from City Hall station... Anyway, we were going in the same direction so we asked him to come along... On the way, being the friendly Singaporean that I am, I struck up a conversation with him.. I realised that my conversational Chinese stinks!!! He was so fluent and I felt like so embarrassed to be speaking Chinese to him... Could not understand some stuff he was saying... And he asked me somethings that were thought provoking.. He asked me where my forefathers were from, because he said most Singaporeans are Chinese so he asked which part of China my forefathers were from... And I did not know!! Oh man... Are we really losing our roots? Are we drifting out of touch with our heritage? I will ask my parents about it when they come home!!! And he was asking where I was studying and all and what major... I did not know how to put it in Chinese... And he said it is alright, I can speak in English... Gives me something to ponder about... :P But as a communications student, it is so interesting that although there may be language barriers and all, it can still be overcome with some human empathy and of course, a large doses of the Traveller-sign-titis... :P Using large actions to bring across your point and immediately labelling yourself as a traveller... :P Well, I did not have much problems communicating the basics of what I wanted to say but I am just saying that words are not the only means that we are reach out to each other... Communication is all around!!! :) Cool major to do... The studying is not too cool though... Hahaha... Anyway, forgot to write about something I witnessed on the train... Was chit chatting and out of the blue, a little boy started screaming!!! He was speaking in Malay so did not really understand and I thought that he was just throwing a tantrum and it will all be over soon... But goodness gracious, his mum started SCREAMING back at him in the people-packed carriage!!! He started screaming back his mum just whacked him hard... And hard I mean that even I, who was just watching out of the corner of my eye discreetly could sense the impact!!! I cringed!!! It was literally thumping loud!!! The boy continued screaming and basically making a big hoo haa... The whole carriage just went into shock!!! Deathly silence reigned... His mum just casually turned away and talked to her friend while the boy kept crying and shouting... Just when he was about to quiet down, his mum whacked him again!!! And not surprisingly, he started all over again!!! Good thing they got off soon... So awkward... It's tough being a parent I tell you... Be nice to your parents!!!

Exodus 20:12 "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you. "

P.S. Have not heard from my parents for 2 nights... Hope that they will come back with what I asked them for... :P

Refreshed!!!

I am feeling so refreshed right now.. :) God is good!!! Feeling lousy last night, in fact for the past few days.. But after cg and service today, I feel so much better.. Refreshed and feeling good!!! Awesome!!! :) Hahaha.. Can't stop feeling happy now.. Too tired to think of anything else to say though.. Hahaha.. Oh yeah, my driving test is coming up!!! Must pass must pass!!! Hahaha.. And my mum still have not called from Japan... Wonder how they are.. Enjoying themselvs without me.. Just hope that they will bring back what I want.. :)

Tired, can't think straight.. My home seems so quiet, so empty.. Everyone's in Japan.. Well, I will have the whole place to myself for a whole week.. That's something that I can get used to.. :P But must feed the fish and water the plants though.. Work work work.. Hmmm.. Everything I do seem to be the wrong thing.. Feel like I am swimming upstream against the current.. Maybe things will look better in the morning.. Sure hope so.. So many things to say, not enough words to put it into.. My heart is full, full of so many things to say but nothing can be put into words.. I don't even know what I am talking about.. Just so... tired...

Lamentations 3:22
Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.

Draw me away...

Oh, come and draw me away,
Don't want to wait, let it be today.
Take me now, to where You are,
No matter how near, no matter how far.
Will You cast aside my shame and disgrace?
So that once again I can see Your face.
Not in the wind, earthquake nor fire,
Let Your still, small voice be my only desire.
Wash me clean, make me whole,
Give me strength to relinquish control
Let me decrease and You increase more,
Let me know what I am supposed to live for.
Let me know where You are to be found,
Turn that place into sacred ground.
Leave a memorial, build an altar,
Bring me back there whenever I falter.
Remember me now and hear my cry.
Keep me close until the day I die.

Better than Shake-wats-his-name...

Here's something two absolutely creative people wrote about their current mutual obesession... Sewper Monkey Ball Tip and Tilt!!! For the clueless, well... you just have to remain clueless... Hahaha... It is a game where you navigate a cute monkey in a ball around different stages and collect bananas for points and try to beat the clock... :) Simple concept but not easy at all... Anyway, this poem is probably the greatest poem EVER, according to my co-writer... So... Enjoy... :P

Monkey, monkey in a ball,
The goal at the bottom will break your fall
Flipping and rolling to beat the drop
Once you start you can never stop
Collect the bananas and up your score
Further still, a little more
One moment of carelessness, one moment of doubt
Suddenly it is all over, Monkey fawlout!!!

Dislaimer: No monkeys were hurt physically in the writing of this poem. I cannot ensure their feelings are still intact. All bananas are organic and fair trade. The balls the monkeys are in are made of 100% biodegradable material. And spelling errors in the poem are totally intentional. If it offends your sensibilities to see monkeys plunge to a helpless ending in a plastic encapsulation, please do not play this series. All monkeys are trained professionals. They are paid bananas and occasionally, peanuts. Please do not attempt any actions seen in the game. And please do not attempt to stuff yourself into a plastic ball. Thank you.

Can I?

Can I just be me?
Can I just be free?
Can I have my own life station?
Can I live without heavy expectations?
Can I stop hiding behind a mask?
Can I not feel lonely, from morning to dusk?
Can I say that I feel so small?
Can I say I feel nothing at all?
Can I feel tired and feeble and weak?
Can I feel I have no more words left to speak?
Can I be human, made of flesh and blood?
Can I say I cannot swim, amidst the raging flood?
Can I live my life and never conform?
Can I sing to my own tune, play to my own song?
Can I say that I am going to fall?
Can I laugh as I go through it all?
Can I not feel like a candle burnt at both ends?
Can I yearn for the comfort of just one true friend?
Can I say that I am scared, that I am afraid?
Can I stop having doubts and fears in my head?
Can I say I am running on empty and nothing more?
Can I say I can't even jump, much less soar?
Can I?
Can I?

Car!!!

At last!!! Have a bit of breathing room... The quiz today was not too tough, slightly tricky though... Had a marathon session of comms... 3 hours!!! It's an interesting subject to learn about though... :) Still quite busy though... Realised that there are many assignments due soon and I have not even started!!! Oh man... Must find a conducive environment to do my work and all... Must start to put in effort in my studies already!!! All the teachers are stressing that we must put in consistent effort... My comms teacher even said that it is not uncommon for students in the US system to score A's in their modules... Stress is piling up!!! Hahaha... And cynthia is coming back tomorrow!!! At last!!! Feel so lost, like wandering in the wilderness without her... Hahaha...
Anyway, on another note, one of my good friends just got his own car... Awesome feeling!!! Having one's own car is like, how do I put it, is like reaching full maturity!!! Hahaha... Still awaiting my turn!!! Have to get my license first... The test date coming up!!! Can't wait... Hopefully the tester will not be so stingy and penalise me for the smallest slights... :)
And my parents are going to Japan this Fri... Without me!!! Will be home alone for a week!!! Hahaha... New experience for me!!! Woo hoo!!! Bring the roof down!!! Hahaha... As if... Til next time...

Work work work!!!

Whew... Uni life is so busy!!! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise... Feel so overwhelmed all of the sudden... Realised that I have so much work to do, so many things to study, so many deadlines to meet, so much self study to do... Took a quiz today... And received the results of another... Didn't do all that fantastic although I passed... And there's another quiz coming up on Wed!!! When will this madness end? Maybe three years later... I am complaining about having so many things to do and here I am blogging... Hahaha... Can't really get into the studying kind of mood though... Not that I ever had the mood to study... :P Well, also realised that actually, teachers are absolutely NOT infallible... But I still respect my teachers okay? Only that they are not almighty and all... :) Hahaha... And realised that actually, the Newpaper has 'Ah Beng' writers and editors... I spotted 2 headlines that was splashed across the front page that can be said only by 'Ah Beng's... :P my friends in SIM would know... feel that I am making a nuisance acting out the headlines in my inimitable style... NOT... hahaha... and speaking of 'Ah Beng', as a Singaporean, how would YOU describe him to a foreigner? And with that, I leave you with food for thought... :P

Charmer...

Woah man... Realised that I have super powers!!! hahaha... went to accompany my sis from the MRT station after my previous post... On the way back, saw a cat stretched out languidly on the ground... Clicked my tongue at it, scratched it under its chin and behind the ears... My sis hurried me along and as I was leaving, I turned back and using my super duper special cat calling skills, I clicked my tongue at it again... The cat, being a temperamental creature, rolled on its side... twice!!! And as a last ditch effort, I clicked my tongue again and guess what? It got up to follow me!!! Hahaha... The cat charmer strikes!!! But my sis scared it off... Saw another cat at my void deck (must be me attracting all the cats in the neighbourhood :P) and clicked my tongue at it and IT FOLLOWED ME AGAIN!!! Hahaha... I guess cats like me... Maybe it's because my feet smell of fish!!! :P Stinky!!! But please don't hate... It ain't my fault... Hahaha!

Catch the wave!

Wow!!! What an awesome weekend!!! Hahaha... Saturday and Sunday services were so good... Really stirred up in my heart and spirit... God is real and He can move!!! Right now is a season of re-laying our foundations for greater things ahead!!! Catch the wave! Just want to let this entry be one to remind me of the things that God is doing right now... And the new worship song is great too!!! Got 'feel' ar... Hahaha... I also realised that people can be in the same place, hear the same thing, experience the same presence of God and yet go out of the place with a different attitude... Oh God, let me be of a different spirit, to desire You so much more!

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Simple statements at first glance, but they contain so much wisdom and anointing... Still waters run deep... Often, it is the simplest things that make us stop and think, that make us want to delve deeper...

Whew

Whew.. I just realised that I have to 'attractive-fy' my blog and all.. There's so much that needs to be done!!! Right now, my blog is still in its 'baby' phase... Not the cute and cuddly part but the clumsy and ungainly part.. Hope that a kind soul would come along and help me with all these stuff.. I am such a newbie!!! :( So much to learn, so much to do... But work never ends.. However, sleep beckons.. Its siren call is just too alluring.. *hello, my bed and pillow, please allow me the utmost pleasure to make your aquaintance once again...*

1st post

Hi to the world!!! Welcome to my world... :) Finally, I succumb to popular culture and started a blog... hahaha... I would like to state up front that I am not a sell out to my principle of not giving in to popular culture but rather, this blog is out of neccessity due to my English writing class... oh who am I kidding?!?!? I am a bandwagon jumper-on as well!!! Albeit a late bloomer... An extremely late bloomer... I reckon that not many people will be interested in the inane ramblings of my inchoate mind... But this is my voice; although it is a puny voice amidst the sea of voices, it is still my voice!!! So enough of my welcome speech... Once again, welcome to the extremely convoluted, at times dark, at times eye-searing bright and chipper, at times entertaining (hopefully) and all the time sincere online symbolic world of mine!!! Cheers!!!