I'm walking in circles,
Treading in the mud.
Here I am once again,
Stuck in the same old rut.
This place is all too familiar,
I've been here too many times before.
Now my resolve is battered and bruised,
And my spirit is all too sore.
My spring of my step has failed,
My hands have no strength left.
My soul is heavy and weary,
My heart yearns for a rest.
One moment at top of the world,
The apogee, the utmost peak.
The tide turned in a blink of an eye,
I end up in the valley deep.
Will water wash me clean?
Will the furnance refine?
Or will the heavens close upon me?
And the mountains start to deign?
Is there anything I can do?
Anything that I can say?
To break out of this vicious cycle,
To see the dawn of a new day?
Can things begin to change?
Can I make it through it all?
Can I have a second chance?
To avoid the drop, to avoid the fall?

Just a regular day...

Got back my ESL mid term results... :) Want to thank God for good results... Got 94% on the mid term; something that I was not really expecting.. I felt that I wrote slightly off topic but hey, I am not complaining... :P So far, my mid terms have been alright... Music and English doing fine... Still awaiting the dreaded Comms mid term results though... Seriously don't know how I will do; or how the whole cohort do... At least Econs will be MCQs... But I will not underestimate MCQs set by Baban Hasnat... Tricky and requires thinking... Just praying that I will do well... :) Anyway, today's Econs was one of the more enjoyable lessons... Mainly because we all realised that some people are so bored that they Googled Baban Hasnat and found his website!!! Hahaha... And that some people like his accent and his beard!!! Oh man... The things people write when they are anonymous... Hahaha... Oh yeah... And I got a new hoodie!!! Nice if I should say so myself... And fluddy said it's not bad too... Hahaha... Now we are Puma buddies as well... :P

Step into my world,
Feel free to take a peek.
What you find may surprise you,
What is it that you seek?
Could it be a desert,
Or just a single tree?
You may find a prison,
Or a land solely for the free.
You may leave with sadness,
Or you may depart with glee.
I hope that I can be presumptous,
With the words that I am going to say
There will never be a dull moment,
It will definitely be an interesting stay.
Now, poke your head around the corner,
There's no need to be shy.
Past all of the exterior,
I still laugh, I still cry.
I lay my head down,
And I start to dream.
Of mountains and of hills,
Of oceans and of streams.
So would you stay a moment,
If for nothing but to give me face.
It costs you nada to linger,
Only the time that you gave.

It only takes a spark...

It only takes a spark, to ignite a roaring fire.
It only takes a few words, to wake one from his stupor.
It only takes a second, to deem the situation dire.
It only takes a look, to remember what is worth fighting for.
It only takes some tears, to melt a hardened heart.
It only takes a touch, things will never be the same.
It only takes a minute, to tear things far apart.
It only takes a lifetime, to set things right again.

Divine intervention...

Wow... Just had my driving test in the morning... Here's a blow-by-blow analysis of what transpired on this fateful morning... This is my 2nd attempt to try to pass the dreaded TP... Woke up this morning drowsy... Not a good sign... Prayed a little for the driving test and selected clothes... Hahaha... Clothes do matter in projecting a right image to the tester!!! I chose a navy blue polo Tee and instead of mussing up my hair, I did it in a neat sort of way... Well, neater than usual... Hahaha... Don't want to look like a crazy person who will ram the cars in front of me to the tester!!! :P Anyway, went to Bukit Gombak MRT station to take the shuttle bus... Talked to a lady who came back from overseas and she said that she took her TP 4 TIMES!!! She said she spent around $7000+++ in all... Woah!!! But she look like she can afford it lah... Hahaha... Bad omens everywhere!!! Reached BBDC and registered... Saw Jeanie there... Rather, she saw me... Was there for her driving lesson... She's going to take her TP tomorrow... All the best Jeanie!!! :) But I digress... It's all about me on my own blog, baby!!! So I went to my test car and started the warm up... Mounted the curb while doing the crank course... First time in my driving 'career'!!! Seriously, it's like Murphy's Law Day for me... :P The instructor wasn't even the least bit helpful... No matter... Sat beside thees 2 people who were chit chatting and caught snippets of their conversation.. The lady said that her friend took her TP yesterday, drove badly and still managed to pass... A glimmer of hope!!! Went into the briefing room and realised that most of the people were retaking... Drew lots and I was the second person called out.. Got the tester called Seek and route 5... Have no idea whether he is good or not.. Soon to find out.. I thought that I drew Chang, the friendly instructor who gave the briefing but maybe he is not so good after all.. Who knows? The tester did not smile when I greeted him... Uh oh... Went to the car and started the test... First section of the circuit was the slope, one of my weaker parts... Everything went smoothly and I was on a run!!! Next up was another of my weaker segments, vertical parking... Did everything smoothly; one of the nicest vertical parking I have ever done!!! Felt quite confident... And as I was moving out, disaster struck!!! I MOUNTED the curb!!! Never has that happened to me!!! For those who do not know, it means an immediate failure!!! My heart sank to my feet and even tried to burrow its way out... I almost cried out!!! The tester looked at me and made the understatement of the century, "Mount curb ar..." Oh man... He did not even look at his checklist anymore... I was so disheartened... But in my heart, I still held a hope, that God will come through for me... So I told myself to do my best for the rest of the test... Almost mounted the curb again for the crank course but managed to salvage the situation thanks to some deft maneuvering. :P As I thought that I have already failed, I treated it as a practice and suddenly I was more relaxed.. I drove, made some mistakes but didn't think too much of them... Suddenly, towards the end of the test, the tester started writing in the checklist!!! I was stunned as I saw him writing something on the 'Parking' section... My heart dropped again but still I forced myself to trust God... :) The tester then started to teach me certain techniques and I thought to myself, 'This is the end.' I just went along with him and did what he told me... It seemed impossible at that time that I would pass... Still I prayed... The tester coached me all the way back to BBDC and I parked the car.. As I got out, he continued to talk to me all the way up to the briefing room.. When we sat down, he told me my mistakes and gave me a few pointers.. Actually he was quite friendly.. My hope was revived that something miraculous was going to happen... :) Finally, after him talking and I agreeing with everything he said (:P), he said, " I don't want to hold you back. I am going to give you 10 points for vertical parking(which was supposed to 'award' me my immediate failure) and let you pass." In total, he gave me 18 points, the minimum passing grade!!! I could not believe my ears!!! I could not help myself from smiling!!! Hahaha... Awesome!! It's a miracle!!! Unprecedented that I can pass after mounting the curb!!! It's God's favour I tell you!!! Went for the video and did all the necessary procedures... Went for lunch with Jeanie who had another practice in the afternoon... Missed Econs though... But who cares when I passed!!! I am going for make up tomorrow!!! Almost wanted to request to stop the test when I mounted the curb so that I can go for lessons... But thank God I didn't and I went through the whole thing!!! :) Still can't believe it... God is good!!! My music module mid term exam is coming up tomorrow so I have to sign out here... But I just couldn't let this opportunity to thank God go by... :) Vroom Vroom Vroom!!! Hahaha... Oh yeah... Want to apologise to all those whom I psyched out... Hahaha... I was so good at acting as if I failed that most people believed me, including Jeanie who was face to face with me... Hahaha... Only one person did not fully believe; not my mum but Cynthia!!! Hahaha... Congrats!!! :P Oh ye of large large faith!!! :P Although you still posted on my tagboard to comfort me... :P

Driving test!!!

Oh oh oh!!! Driving test tomorrow!!! So nervous!!! Hope that can pass... :) Praying hard!!!

How can I raise my hands?
When they are steeped in blood?
How can I sing a song?
When my lips are sealed shut?
Although there is no strength in my legs,
Why do I still run away?
How far do I need to be?
Before I will turn back?
The ends of the earth are not far enough.
The heavenlies are not high enough.
The depths of the abyss not deep enough.
I have done wrong,
will my heart still beat strong?
I can't stop the tears,
that are a result of my fears.
How can I come back?
How can I come back?

Weirdness...

Funny how things seem to fall into place like pieces of a jig saw puzzle... Bumped into a certain someone the day before, on Tue... At the most unexpected place... Totally caught off guard... Was quite affected by it... Talked to fluddy and felt better... Hehee... Thanks fluddy... Anyway, after bumping into her, had a dream about us that very night... A weird dream... And the thing is usually these kind of dreams affect me quite a bit; a strong sense of longing and melancholy will hover around me the whole day, maybe two.. But this time, I felt perfectly alright.. No melancholy... Nothing... Maybe it was because there was the Comms mid term on Wed... And speaking of which, I felt I messed it up big time... Totally forgot all the material and tried to smoke my way through... Hopefully the smoke screen I tried to form worked... Well, will know soon... Anyway, when I reached home yesterday, (please remember that I am bloggin all these stuff at 1 am on Thu, so the phrasing and timing seems a bit weird) she MSN-ed me... Out of the blue... After so long... And she said a few things that I was surprised with... Like wanting me to hang out with her friends... Well, I feel that she had no ill intent and that she is really proud of her new clique... :) Anyway, I realised that I have moved on... I have really moved on... It still aches to see her but it does not hurt.. I guess that wounds don't totally heal but we learn to deal with it... Thank God that I can move on... It seemed impossible at that time but look at me now... I feel that it is in God's timing too!!! Weirdness... Hahaha... It would not have happened without some kairos timing of some sort... :) On a side note, I wore my Eternals yesterday and my hips hurt!!! But I am in love with the jeans... Awesome... :) Going to wear them in!!! Stay tuned...

Finally

Just a quick post before I go back to studying... Or at least attempt to... Been trying to absorb the information into my thick skull in preparation for the comms mid term but nothing seems to be getting in... Keep procrastinating also... Oh man... This is part of the procrastination process... Hahaha... Really don't know what to expect for the exam later on... Well, just do my best and God will do the rest!!! :) Finally, after thinking about it for very long, I took pictures of my new jeans for a keepsake and snipped off the tags!!! Going to wear it later on to school.. So excited!!! This will be start of my Eternal journey; it's going to be my second skin for the next... 50 years of my life!!! Ha! But that said, these are just jeans... So I am going to wear them like normal.. But they are really nice though... Solid construction, thick material... Hahaha... See... I am still procrastinating... :P Alright... I am forcing myself to study... Later...

Soaking

Oh man... I can't wear my dream jeans anytime soon... For one, I don't know whether to give them a soak and if I want to, how to go about doing it... FYI, my dreams jeans are raw, meaning no distressing, so it means there is a possiblity of them shrinking after the first wash... Quite certain that the jeans are one wash, meaning most of the shrinkage is out of the way... But I can't stand thinking that after I wear them, there will still be shrinkage!!! Oh man... Must hold out... Hahaha... Also must lose a bit of weight before I stretch out these babies... :P Well, will post pics of them soon... I hope... And of course, wear them... :P

Back

I don't want to run away anymore... I want to feel, I want to breathe in life, I want to live for a purpose, a reason... I don't want to feel inadequate, I don't want to feel tired, I don't want to wander in the wilderness anymore... Restore the years the locusts have eaten away... Restore the joy that I used to have, the simple heart... Back, back, bring it all back... No more beating at the air... Bring back valour to my heart, strength in my arms and a spring to my step... Bring me back...

Yipee!!!

Awesome!!! Emerge was awesome!!! So touched!!! God's presence is so real!!! :) Feel so recharged and refreshed!!! And on a side note... I love my family!!! Finally they are back!!! My home is a home again!!! :) I have my heart's desires fulfilled today!!! Finally, the 2 pairs of dream jeans I longed so hard for is mine!!! Was talking to my mum and realised that my uncle went the extra mile... Make that extra 50 miles to get the jeans for me!!! So touched!!! My mum was telling me how he travelled alone and from 2pm and reached the hotel at 10pm!!! My heart is broken... :') Going to do something nice for him... Anyway, the jeans are so nice~~~ Eternal 811 and PBJ xx_005 BK.. Totally outstanding in terms of fit, construction and material.. Can't wait to start wearing them... :) The PBJs are so slubby!!! And the Eternals are so dark and crisp!!! Both the fits are great!!! Oh man... Going to take pictures and post them up!!! Wowee!!!