Twenty-oh-nine

So, 2008 has just passed, and we have stepped into a new year, 2009. This is the first year in a long time that I am crossing into the new year without much hoo-haa and fanfare and this sort of gives me time to think. To reflect about things and also to think about how I want 2009 to be.
I hope that for me, 2009 would be a year of greater heights, and of greater breakthroughs. 2009 would be a year that I heed my own advice and love fiercely and be loved fiercely. I will treasure the people around me more. I will learn to enjoy the present and not be affected by both the past and future.
There are many, many things that I want to do, I hope for in 2009 but right now, there's a bittersweet feeling running through me that I can't really put into words. It's a melancholic feeling, but yet infused with expectation and hope. Yet another year has passed and another year is right before us. We can do anything we want with this blank slate.
As always, I must remind myself to remember God, to be thankful for the past year, and also to expect something for the year ahead. Like all relationships, I want to be on a deeper level with Him this year. I just want to be more faithful, more hungry and more reliant on Him. Let me go through 2009 not by my own strength, not alone but with God by my side every step of the way.

Hi, I am Jeremy and I am a shopaholic

Hi, I am Jeremy and I am a shopaholic. The first step to overcoming an addiction is admitting that you have a problem. I just blew more money on clothes and the scary part is that I am able to justify my purchase.
Somehow, all the blame can't be placed on me. I went out with yan again today to shop and saw many many nice things! :) Especially nice checkered shirts. Another of my weaknesses, with jeans being the other.
I saw a nice one from Maiden Noir, a Seattle-based brand carried at Know It Nothing at Haji Lane, another at Queen's Couture at Heeren. But they all ran at much more than $200 per shirt and to me, that is too much to pay for a shirt. Jeans perhaps but not a shirt. Because you can wear the same jeans for months on end but not a shirt. :)
So anyway, I finally saw a nice checkered shirt by Carhartt. I have heard about this brand but had no idea about the quality and all that. But trying it on and feeling the fabric, and at less than $100, I felt that it was a worthwhile buy.
So here I am, rationalizing that this would be my last buy of the year and this would at the same time be my New Year clothes. :) And I am starting to think that it's not solely my fault that I am a shopaholic. Yan was with me both times I splurged on clothes. Hmmm...
Anyway, just a side note. I just met one of the most ungracious girl I have ever seen. Yan and I were on the MRT when yan lost her balance and accidentally stepped on the foot of a girl who was sitting with her boyfriend. Yan was so apologetic and felt so bad but the girl just turned away from us, leaned against her boyfriend and complained. Good thing her boyfriend was gracious to accept the apology. And I think that she was more concerned with her pedicure than it was painful. She totally ignored yan in a compartment full of people.
I feel that no matter how painful it is, you should just accept the apology. It was not an insincere apology at all and I am not being biased. Everyone could see that yan felt bad. And it was definitely not done on purpose. What a lousy person you are, whoever you are. Shame on you.
And yan, if you are reading, I have to mention this: NBT's Neo Bak Zhang!!!! :P

An ode

This post is dedicated to the most giving, the most sacrificial, the most generous person in my life, my mother! Everyone would say that their mum is the best but my mum is better than all others! Hahaha. I just realised that my mum is very giving of herself, to the point where others may have just turned their backs and given up. She makes me feel that I could be a better person, and makes me want to be a better person for her sake. Many things I don't need to state here but I know it in my heart that makes her the most noble person in my life. So, here's my attempt at an ode to her.

The most precious thing in the world is neither silver nor gold,
But a mother's sacrifice, a mother's giving, a mother's hold.
When the days become tough and the nights become long,
A mother's love stays strong and keeps us going on.
Asking for nothing in return but pouring out all,
Just so I can stand up strong and proud and not fall.
Even when it's difficult to go on, difficult to love,
Still she puts herself right as the last, and puts us first.
The most precious thing in the world is neither silver nor gold,
But a mother's love, of width, depth and breadth untold.

I am blessed

Just spent Xmas helping my mum pack the storeroom. Actually, didn't help a lot also. But at least we cleared out a lot of stuff. But somehow, the storeroom still looks packed. So anyway, while clearing out the storeroom, I had to look through many boxes of my old toys. And boy, do I have loads of toys. Especially Ninja Turtle toys. Hahaha. Used to love those guys. Picking through the boxes, many memories of my childhood surfaced. Like how I played with those toys. And how easily they way I played with them came back to me. Fun and innocent times. But still, I had to harden my heart and throw out a lot of stuff.
I realised that not to be a packrat, we have to really harden our hearts and throw away stuff that may have sentimental value to us. All the toys really brought back memories and throwing them away is akin to throwing away the memories. But then again, keeping them in the storeroom for 10 years is also like losing those memories for 10 years, because we never even knew those things were still in there until today. It's hard to put into words but people who have to throw their things out will understand.
But even as we approach the end of the year, and I had to help in the packing, this reminds me of how I have to stay grateful. Looking at the toys that I have, I really have to be grateful that I have great parents who dote on me. I have everything I could want in terms of material possessions. But more than just material possessions, I am just thankful for my family. I can't help but acknowledge, I am blessed.

Body clock

Holidays have a way of making my body clock so messed up. Normal school days, I am able to function with perhaps 6 hours of sleep? Now during the holidays, I can't seem to function with even 10 hours of sleep! And I have been staying up late every night, or rather early every morning, and messing up my body clock. And holidays have also a knack of making me put on weight. No motivation at all to exercise the slightest bit. Hahaha. Fat and lazy, that's me for you during the holidays. How on earth do people enjoy their holidays?

Count your blessings

Sometimes, it takes something negative to open your eyes to positive things. Just like how it takes losing something to realise it's worth. Or how death makes you realise how precious life is, with all the blessings that you have in life.
I do feel that I am blessed in many many ways but sometimes, one can't help but to magnify small problems and issues into gargantuan ones without realising how petty these things are. Maybe it's being too self centered. But one's problems are always the most difficult ones... Until your eyes are open to other people.
Just came back from a funeral wake. And a bagful of mixed feelings. In Chinese, there is a term, '心酸' (don't know if I got the words right) which basically translates to 'sour heart' or heartache. I feel that the Chinese term is more representative of the emotion. Just feel very '心酸' about life and death.
Life is so fragile, and it is very true, some thing that I read once. 'Life ends for the dead when they die, but leaves the alive to mourn and cry.' Or something to that effect. So while it is still light, make haste and count your blessings. Don't wait until darkness falls to mourn for the loss of light. Love fiercely, and be loved fiercely.

One step forward...

It's quite a depressing feeling, to think that you have taken one step forward and after a while, realise that you have taken two steps back as well. Not only are you not at the original point, but you are now at a place of negative value. If that's the case, how are you going to move forward? Another step forward means that you are at the original starting point but moving two steps backwards again brings you to... a place of even more negative value. So trying to move forward means that you merely make your standing more and more negative. So what's the point?