Reflection

Sometimes I seriously doubt whether I can feel happiness at all. It's almost as if I am shut down to positive feelings. I feel angry, frustration, disappointment and sadness. But I think I am closed up to joy, happiness and love. Perhaps I am too hard on myself. Perhaps I feel that I am not worth it. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Light dispels the darkness but a black hole sucks in light. It feels like a black hole in my heart, and it hurts so good. Pain is addictive right? Don't be fooled, still waters run deep. Sometimes beneath the calm, mirror-like surface seethes a churning maelstrom. So one would never know what he might encounter. Just because you can see my surface doesn't mean that you know me. And I do think that I am a good actor; not that kind who entertains but one who masks my feelings real well. Argh! I don't even know what I am saying anymore! And trust me, I am not this emotional in real life! :D But my blog is just a place to vent and to express. In real life, I am not all gloom and doom. I would like to think of myself as sunny and chirpy! Hahaha. Two faced? Perhaps. Multiple personalities? Maybe. Putting on a mask? Most likely. Which is the real me? An amalgamation I guess.