Take a hard look at yourself

Warning: Probably the most heart baring and offensive post I have ever written.

Well, sometimes it's good to take a hard look at yourself and think, 'What is really important? How am I like, really? How am I treating the people around me?' Well, I reckon that now is as good a time as any. Too many things on my chest that are weighing me down.

I would be the first to admit my faults and weaknesses and that I am not perfect, no, far from it. I know that I can get abrasive and downright bossy and irritating at times but who enjoys being like that, really? Not me. It may seem like I am perpetually like that but I would like to think not. Under certain circumstances.

I guess I can say this side of me only comes out during times of duress, and I hope that only then. It is not an excuse for bad behaviour though, this stress explanation. But you know what? At least I care. At least I try. I am not perfect but I try. And when you are trying, and you just get the sense that other people are not, who will not feel aggravated?

I understand that there is such a thing as self serving bias, that I think that my shortcomings are a cause of the environment while basically, other people are just messed up and don't care. I know that's not the case, that there are a million and one reasons for one's behaviours, and perhaps a million out of those million and one are from the environment and not intrinsic. I am sure I am wrong in 99% of the judgements that I form about people as well.

Like I said, I am the first to come out and say that sometimes I suck, sometimes I mess up, sometimes I screw up; perhaps too much and too often. But when taking a hard look at oneself and admitting all these things, perhaps I can suggest to others to take a look at themselves too. To my mind, to ask people to reflect, you first have to reflect on yourself to earn that right. Right? Probably not but who cares? I am going to say it anyway.

I offend people and step on their toes and make them cry and make them angry. But just because you don't offend people upfront doesn't mean that you are an angel. Just because people have fun around you doesn't mean that you are perfect. Just because you are popular doesn't mean that people can stand your ways all the time. Well, the real world is going to be a shocker if you think that way. Time to wake up and smell the roses, princess or prince, or duchess or duke, or queen or king. Whatever.

Anyway, right here, right now, I offer a chance, an opportunity for people to say that I suck, that I am irritating, assorted things that they don't like, they hate about me and whatnot. Whatever you want to comment, the tagboard is on the right and the comment function is at the bottom of this post. Put your name, be anonymous, whatever. Make it public, curse me in private, backstab me, front stab me, it's all up to you. I take it all.

Because I know that I am not perfect. I offend people upfront, people don't always have fun around me and I am not the most popular person in town. I am not easy to get along with and I am argumentative and aggressive. I abrade and I suck. I get angry and I show it. I get consumed with tasks and neglect relationships. I am insensitive and I am insecure. I don't have the people skills like some do. I often cross the line. I am a hypocrite and I am bossy. I push people too hard and too much and I am such a anal retentive perfectionist in some things. Yeah. I know. And to all the people I have sucked to, especially my friends in school and my family who have had to endure the worst of me, I apologise for my bad behavior but not the starting point I came from. I may have sucked to you, but at least I gave my all. I tried my best and I am sure you did too. You guys don't deserve it but I still rubbed you the wrong way and then some.

But, after all these things, can you take a hard look at yourself? I may be a loser, but I acknowledge that I am one. I don't think I am greater in any way, compared to other people but I do know this. That I try my best. I am absolutely not saying that you are one. I am 100% confident that you are not a loser, far from it. And this is not a justification or some holier than thou crap. Like seriously. Just that, sometimes, it takes two hands to clap, two to tango. And also, it is true, at least to me. You hurt the ones you love the most. You know where to get me if you need to.