Contradicting

Isn't it funny, that sometimes things appear to be opposite on the surface from what is in the inside? I have been doing some self reflection recently, and realised that that is rather the case with me.

Case in point, when I tell people that deep down, I am an introvert and they go, 'No way! You are an extrovert.' or something to that effect. But I am not. I think, I am only an extrovert when the situation calls for it, and recently, as I am growing older and older, I find less and less situations that calls for me to be extroverted, and guess what? I sort of like it this way.

Also, I do feel that I could get 'unfeeling' and 'emotionless' at times, that I may appear not to be sensitive to others. And this will definitely evoke surprise and disbelief in people but I do think that I am rather emotional and sensitive; it's just that I tend not to show that on the surface. If you don't believe, go read my 'poetry' (and that word is used ultra-loosely) and you will get the sense that I am some emo kid who can't wait to slit my wrists. Anyway, that aside, I would like to think of myself as a not-even-remotely-close-cold fish and also NOT delusional.

Also, I realised one thing about me is that I tend to diffuse uncomfortable (for me or others) situations by trying to create a lighter atmosphere by trying to be funny or making light of things. Shouldn't funny, or at least the attempt to be, be reserved for light hearted moments?While this may work in certain situations, I guess it has the tendency to get real old real fast in specific circumstances as well.

And if you want to know whether I like like a person or not, easy. The general rule of thumb is, the more uncomfortable Jeremy is around you, the more attractive you are in his eyes. When I can't meet your eye and become very fidgety, it's not because I am not interested; it's because you are too attractive to me and I can't look you in the eye and I don't know what to do with my body. That's perhaps why until now, I am single. :P That principle DOESN'T apply to friends, just for people with the potential for me to like like. ;)

Of course, there is much much more to it that these few areas but I am lazy to organize my thoughts. Bottom line is, I am a huge bag of contradictions and sometimes, it gets confusing for me, not to mention other people. I would like not to be so complex and confusing, but most of the time I can't help it.