Take a hard look at yourself

Warning: Probably the most heart baring and offensive post I have ever written.

Well, sometimes it's good to take a hard look at yourself and think, 'What is really important? How am I like, really? How am I treating the people around me?' Well, I reckon that now is as good a time as any. Too many things on my chest that are weighing me down.

I would be the first to admit my faults and weaknesses and that I am not perfect, no, far from it. I know that I can get abrasive and downright bossy and irritating at times but who enjoys being like that, really? Not me. It may seem like I am perpetually like that but I would like to think not. Under certain circumstances.

I guess I can say this side of me only comes out during times of duress, and I hope that only then. It is not an excuse for bad behaviour though, this stress explanation. But you know what? At least I care. At least I try. I am not perfect but I try. And when you are trying, and you just get the sense that other people are not, who will not feel aggravated?

I understand that there is such a thing as self serving bias, that I think that my shortcomings are a cause of the environment while basically, other people are just messed up and don't care. I know that's not the case, that there are a million and one reasons for one's behaviours, and perhaps a million out of those million and one are from the environment and not intrinsic. I am sure I am wrong in 99% of the judgements that I form about people as well.

Like I said, I am the first to come out and say that sometimes I suck, sometimes I mess up, sometimes I screw up; perhaps too much and too often. But when taking a hard look at oneself and admitting all these things, perhaps I can suggest to others to take a look at themselves too. To my mind, to ask people to reflect, you first have to reflect on yourself to earn that right. Right? Probably not but who cares? I am going to say it anyway.

I offend people and step on their toes and make them cry and make them angry. But just because you don't offend people upfront doesn't mean that you are an angel. Just because people have fun around you doesn't mean that you are perfect. Just because you are popular doesn't mean that people can stand your ways all the time. Well, the real world is going to be a shocker if you think that way. Time to wake up and smell the roses, princess or prince, or duchess or duke, or queen or king. Whatever.

Anyway, right here, right now, I offer a chance, an opportunity for people to say that I suck, that I am irritating, assorted things that they don't like, they hate about me and whatnot. Whatever you want to comment, the tagboard is on the right and the comment function is at the bottom of this post. Put your name, be anonymous, whatever. Make it public, curse me in private, backstab me, front stab me, it's all up to you. I take it all.

Because I know that I am not perfect. I offend people upfront, people don't always have fun around me and I am not the most popular person in town. I am not easy to get along with and I am argumentative and aggressive. I abrade and I suck. I get angry and I show it. I get consumed with tasks and neglect relationships. I am insensitive and I am insecure. I don't have the people skills like some do. I often cross the line. I am a hypocrite and I am bossy. I push people too hard and too much and I am such a anal retentive perfectionist in some things. Yeah. I know. And to all the people I have sucked to, especially my friends in school and my family who have had to endure the worst of me, I apologise for my bad behavior but not the starting point I came from. I may have sucked to you, but at least I gave my all. I tried my best and I am sure you did too. You guys don't deserve it but I still rubbed you the wrong way and then some.

But, after all these things, can you take a hard look at yourself? I may be a loser, but I acknowledge that I am one. I don't think I am greater in any way, compared to other people but I do know this. That I try my best. I am absolutely not saying that you are one. I am 100% confident that you are not a loser, far from it. And this is not a justification or some holier than thou crap. Like seriously. Just that, sometimes, it takes two hands to clap, two to tango. And also, it is true, at least to me. You hurt the ones you love the most. You know where to get me if you need to.

Freaky

Well, had an exciting day today, or rather, yesterday. Well, at least toward the end of the day... After a gruelling 11+ hours at Will's house doing our PR project, we had a neutral party, Clemmie, saying that our video was 'okay' only... So much for blowing the other teams out of the water.

Headed to try out the famous Punggol Nasi Lemak (although I had tried it a couple of times before, chicken wing, sedap!) but it was closed!!!! After breathing down my hokkien noodles, Janis and I went to get a packet of durians!!!! Woohoo!!! After years of durian celibacy, I finally had the chance to try the famous Mao Shan Wang durian!!! Tasty, but jelak lah! When driving out, I went against the flow, so to speak... Oops!

But the highlight of the day was yet to come. On the way back, with Nurul and Janis in the car, we were just about the let Nurul off when the motorcycle right in front of us ran over a piece of wood that the construction site beside so inconsiderately left behind and skidded for a few meters! It was like so surreal, with sparks flying and the motorcyclist tumbling, arms and legs flailing all over the place. I avoided that lane, stopped by the side of the road to help the poor dude. He wasn't drunk but was shocked and supremely unlucky. He wasn't injured when I left him though. I had to remove the wood and even a heavy metal piece on the road before anyone else got hurt. A nice taxi uncle stopped to help the poor guy as well. Hope that he is fine, the motorcyclist I mean... Freaky.

In love with you

Ah... Brings back memories... =)

Would you?

Would you miss me if I were gone?
Would you think of me when they play that song?
Would you even know that I have left?
Would you even mourn my death?
Would you stay, if I asked you not to leave?
Would you need me to beg and say please?
Would you even cast a glance my way?
Would you speak to me, what would you say?
Would you even know that I exist?
Would you even get to read this?

Time to get in gear

As I am half sitting, half lying on my bed, I have this feeling that I need to get my fat butt back into gear and start working out more regularly. I feel and look fat and have been slacking off too much. To compound my laziness, I have been eating like nobody's business. So I have to eat right and exercise more starting right now. But I think I will start next week, next week sounds good...

P.S. I feel like that now, but without the mutant powers or whatnot. For those interested in who this is, click on the picture.

Dandelion Boy

There once lived a boy out in the fields,
alone by himself, out of everyone's view.
He was happy in the flowers, grass and trees,
running, skipping around, oh-so-very free.
One thing this boy was proud of, oh so proud of he was,
He had a dandelion head, he thought he was so boss.
His head covered in fluff, it was so full and thick,
He admired himself everyday, that was his schtick.
But one day came a wind, so strong and wild,
It blew off all his fluff, oh that poor, poor child.
His head which used to be so full now was quite bald,
In a twinkling of an eye, before he knew it, he lost it all.
This should teach you, a lesson should be learnt,
That it's not too good to be a dandelion, better to be a fern.

Today

Got my Eternal 811s back from Tet Tailors and I must say that they did a good job. The repairs look and feel good. Little patches of denim on the inside to prevent the holes from getting bigger and tearing apart. My mum says that it looks like my jeans got 'ta ko yok', meaning 'stick on medicated plasters'. Hahaha. Oh, and just dumped my PBJs into the bucket for a hot soak because they stretched out too much. Too fat I guess. Shrink shrink shrink! :)

Anyway, today was kind of a horrid day. I endured discomfort the whole day; headache, neckache, queasy stomach. At first I thought it was the Erdinger I had last night. I get headaches even with the littlest bit of alcohol, and I will flush red for like hours. But even the worst hangover don't last so long right? And I only had a tall glass/bottle! Boo to high alcohol sensitivity! Hahaha. Had fun with the people who were there though. :)