Body clock

Holidays have a way of making my body clock so messed up. Normal school days, I am able to function with perhaps 6 hours of sleep? Now during the holidays, I can't seem to function with even 10 hours of sleep! And I have been staying up late every night, or rather early every morning, and messing up my body clock. And holidays have also a knack of making me put on weight. No motivation at all to exercise the slightest bit. Hahaha. Fat and lazy, that's me for you during the holidays. How on earth do people enjoy their holidays?

Count your blessings

Sometimes, it takes something negative to open your eyes to positive things. Just like how it takes losing something to realise it's worth. Or how death makes you realise how precious life is, with all the blessings that you have in life.
I do feel that I am blessed in many many ways but sometimes, one can't help but to magnify small problems and issues into gargantuan ones without realising how petty these things are. Maybe it's being too self centered. But one's problems are always the most difficult ones... Until your eyes are open to other people.
Just came back from a funeral wake. And a bagful of mixed feelings. In Chinese, there is a term, '心酸' (don't know if I got the words right) which basically translates to 'sour heart' or heartache. I feel that the Chinese term is more representative of the emotion. Just feel very '心酸' about life and death.
Life is so fragile, and it is very true, some thing that I read once. 'Life ends for the dead when they die, but leaves the alive to mourn and cry.' Or something to that effect. So while it is still light, make haste and count your blessings. Don't wait until darkness falls to mourn for the loss of light. Love fiercely, and be loved fiercely.

One step forward...

It's quite a depressing feeling, to think that you have taken one step forward and after a while, realise that you have taken two steps back as well. Not only are you not at the original point, but you are now at a place of negative value. If that's the case, how are you going to move forward? Another step forward means that you are at the original starting point but moving two steps backwards again brings you to... a place of even more negative value. So trying to move forward means that you merely make your standing more and more negative. So what's the point?

过眼云烟

This is the first time ever I used Chinese as the title of my posts! Hahaha. But I find this idiom very apt for what I am feeling right now. 过眼云烟 basically means 'clouds and smoke passing before one's eyes'. Or to put it more poetically, it means, 'passing cloud, fleeting smoke'. Somehow, the poetic version seems to capture some of the essence of the idiom. What it is trying to convey is a sense of transience, of impermanence.
People always ask me, why I am so closed up and 'mysterious'. I think I know why now. Change happens all the time, be it big or small. I can handle the small changes but not the big ones. When we move on from one station of life to another, we leave behind certain relationships, certain people. No relationship will not change with change. Perhaps that's why I avoid opening up. The more I open up, the more I feel emotional when the relationship changes. The more emotional I feel, the more I want to open up.
You see, opening up requires a certain vulnerability, a certain conceding to the ravages of change. And it's difficult for me to open up precisely because of that. People can say that they will keep in touch, that they will remember you. But in the end, there's no escaping the brutal truth; people do change and there's no stopping that. There's no blame to be attributed to anyone or anything; that's just the way it is.
And that is why I am so guarded, to the point of exasperation to my friends and people around me. Perhaps I should learn to live in the present and enjoy every moment I have rather than to live in the past or even focus at the future. But I can't help it. Somehow, this feeling of '过眼云烟' doesn't strike you until some triggers kick it off.
Ting ting and Jia jia told me yesterday that next semester would likely be the last semester we would have together. Suddenly, everything kicked in. Nothing will be the same again. Time would pass so quickly that the semester would be over before we know it. I started thinking. So many people around are heading to UB in the States to finish up their degree. That leaves a huge, huge gaping hole in school. School would just become that much colder. Friends have a knack of filling up a gap in our lives and yet at the same time, are able to leave a huge vacuum as well. It's the classic push and pull.
So, a thought to leave you all with: Hang on to the good times you have in the present; just not too tight that you can't let go when the future arrives.

Denime XX type raw

So, today's a fruitful day for me! Went shopping with yan and had a good time talking to her. We should so do this more often yan, if you are reading. :P Anyway, a new shop in town, ARC, just opened and they sell Japanese denim!!! Awesome brands like Fullcount, Omnigod and Denime. And they were having a 30% off sale for a limited time only and I HAD to go check it out. And in the end, I left with a pair of Denime XX type raw. The price was too good on these!!! My first pair of STFs (shrink to fit). I sized one down to account for stretching and me losing weight as I am not planning to wear them anytime soon. Although it is not the cut I am looking for, I think that a roomier jeans would be a nice addition to my slimmer jeans. Once again, the price was too good on these... :P
ARC's prices for Japanese denim are extremely reasonable and those into raw denim should go check them out. According to the owner Paul who was there when I got the jeans, they carry only one size per pair so hurry hurry down to take advantage of the sale! The Omnigod straights looked yummy as well and don't even talk about Fullcount. Almost got a Fullcount #1108 but decided on Denime. Partly because the Paul passed me the wrong pair of Fullcounts to try on and couldn't be bothered to try anymore. Hahaha.
ARC is located at Esplanade where the tatami shop used to be at. Go check it out! The staff are nice and the girl serving is quite cute as well! ;P Nice people, awesome denim. Don't wait any longer!
P.S. Oh, and ARC carries Kicking Mule Workshop as well, for those who like a more 'fashiony' fit to their jeans.

'Nua' day

nua [nu-ah] (adjective): Soft
nua [nu-ah] (verb): Lazing around

What a day. Today's weather is perfect to be nua-ing around the house, with nothing to do. Well, I HAD something to do before I has nothing to do. But cancelled last minute. Oh well. And I was supposed to be exercising but I spent the whole day in bed or on the couch. Have to exercise later. Was supposed to go to the library to borrow some books but I nua-ed the whole day away. Today is a nua day! Hahaha. I am lying down so much, and not enough blood is going to my head; that's why I sound delirious. :P No idea whatsoever what I am writing about. =S And and and, I want more jeans!!! Hahaha. Whatever.

Cutting down

I just realised that I am such a spend thrift. Right after the exams, my allowance is slipping through my fingers like water through a sieve. This is not a good sign. Have to start monitoring my spending and start saving whatever little that I have. Simple meals, no more clothes (especially Threadless tees), try to save on parking and petrol by taking public transport, stop looking at jeans (at least until the yen drops =P). Having fun these past two days have cost me a bomb. :( The economy is not good right now. Talk of this period being the 2nd Great Depression and whatnot. Scary stuff. But then again, we should all do our part in stirring up the economy... by exercising our purchasing power! Hahaha. Anyway, I have already claimed recession proofing today! So, no worries! :D But still must be wise with my money. I am a steward, not an owner.